{"id":824,"date":"2014-11-21T05:46:46","date_gmt":"2014-11-21T05:46:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.feelnubia.com\/?p=824"},"modified":"2025-06-19T17:00:21","modified_gmt":"2025-06-19T17:00:21","slug":"domestic-diva","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/feelnubiatest.com\/index.php\/2014\/village-family-relationships\/domestic-diva\/","title":{"rendered":"Domestic Diva: Embracing and Becoming"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"

Swapped out my corporate shoes for hiking shoes. (Image: Camerauthor Photos @ Unsplash)<\/p><\/div>\r\n

How I Became a Domestic Diva (and Fried My Fear with Akara)<\/h1>\r\nA few years ago, I set a personal goal: to become a domestic diva<\/strong>.\r\n\r\nYes, me. The queen of delegation. The woman who could negotiate policy but broke into a sweat at the thought of shopping for tomatoes.\r\n

Market Phobia and My Deal-Breaker<\/h2>\r\nLong before marriage, I had help. Domestic staff handled chores\u2014especially my most dreaded task: open market shopping.\r\n\r\nAs marriage approached, I sat my fianc\u00e9 down and warned him.\r\n
\u201cI hate going to the market. The haggling, the shouting, the jostling\u2014it drains my spirit.\u201d<\/blockquote>\r\nTo my surprise, he agreed.\r\n\r\nHe saw through the toxic expectation that a \u201cgood wife\u201d must wade through muddy markets in rented boots, clutching a bargain like a trophy.\r\nScore! I had bagged a Christian, swimming-enthusiast, handsome husband who wasn\u2019t threatened by my market aversion.\r\n

6 Kids, 13 Years of Domestic Bliss<\/h2>\r\nTwelve years and six children later, my aversion hadn\u2019t changed\u2014but my ability to juggle housekeepers had improved.\r\n\r\nThen, I found her: the ultimate housekeeper.\r\nShe stayed with us for 13 whole years. Life was good.\r\n\r\nUntil she traveled. Or fell sick. Or had to take a break. Then my system crashed.\r\nEven making lunch gave me headaches.\r\n\r\nIt wasn\u2019t that I couldn\u2019t do the work. I just hated feeling helpless.\r\n

The Turning Point: Dependency<\/h2>\r\nI\u2019ve always loathed dependency\u2014financial or emotional.\r\nThe fact that a pile of dishes or a market trip could ruin my day? That had to change.\r\n\r\nSo I made a decision. I said it aloud one day:\r\n
\u201cI intend to become a domestic diva.\u201d<\/blockquote>\r\nMy friend blinked.\r\n
\u201cWhy would you want<\/em> to do that?\u201d<\/blockquote>\r\nShe didn\u2019t get it.\r\nIt wasn\u2019t about the chores. It was about fear. About facing it down. About reclaiming agency.\r\n

Fate Intervened<\/h2>\r\nThen life took an unexpected turn.\r\n\r\nWe embarked on a two-year family “gap year.”\r\nOur routine was disrupted. My Nanny-housekeeper, our anchor, retired.\r\n\r\nA few months later, she passed away in a tragic accident.\r\n\r\nWe were devastated. But because she had left a few months before, we had already begun adjusting.\r\n\r\nSo I rolled up my sleeves and leaned in.\r\n

Bush Markets, Banana Leaves, and Breakthroughs<\/h2>\r\nI braved market trips.\r\nI dragged a few of my teenage daughters along.\r\nWe haggled. We got shoved. We survived.\r\n\r\nI even tackled the bush markets<\/em>\u2014where everything is dirt cheap, and the shouting is minimal.\r\nMonthly visits, a friend in tow. Progress.\r\n\r\nStill, there was one mountain left to climb: Moi-Moi.\r\n\r\nYes, I love<\/em> Moi-Moi. Especially the leaf-wrapped kind.\r\nBut the effort<\/em>? Too much.\r\n\r\nUntil one weekend, I decided to prove something to myself.\r\n

Mission Moi-Moi: Accomplished<\/h2>\r\nI returned from my morning workout.\r\nInstead of lounging, I got to work.\r\nBeans soaked. Leaves washed. Moi-moi steamed to perfection.\r\n\r\nWhen the kids returned, there it was\u2014homemade moi-moi in banana leaves.\r\n\r\nNo fanfare. No help.\r\nJust intention, grit, and action.\r\n

The Final Test: Akara<\/h2>\r\nThen came the akara moment. The ultimate test.\r\n\r\nThat morning, after Tai Chi and before going out, I spontaneously decided to make breakfast for my family.\r\n\r\nI soaked, peeled, blended, seasoned, and half-fried the bean cakes before anyone else entered the kitchen.\r\n\r\nLater, as I passed the mirror, I caught my reflection.\r\n
\u201cYou did it. You beat that fear. You, my dear, are a domestic diva<\/strong>.\u201d<\/blockquote>\r\nTouchdown.\r\n\r\nWhat I’ve learned is that this wasn\u2019t about chores.\r\nIt was about choice. Mastery. Facing what scares you. Reclaiming ground you once surrendered to fear or convenience.\r\n\r\nTo Every Woman Who\u2019s Ever Said \u201cI Can\u2019t\u2026\u201d You can.\r\n\r\nYou don\u2019t have to become the market-trudging martyr you feared.\r\nBut you can become the kind of woman who isn\u2019t afraid<\/em> of anything\u2014including akara oil burns and bargaining for ugu.\r\n\r\nYou\u2019re not just a homemaker. You\u2019re a home builder. A diva in your own right. And you get to define what that means.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nIf you liked this piece, you will enjoy the book Helpmeet<\/a>\r\n\r\nRead more Domestic Diva<\/a>\r\n\r\nOvie Farraday is a wife and mother of five (including 2 teenagers and a pre-teen) living in a sub-Saharan West African suburb.\u00a0 She is married to an Architect and entrepreneur. Ovie Farraday is a pen-name.<\/sup>\r\n\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How I Became a Domestic Diva (and Fried My Fear with Akara) A few years ago, I set a personal goal: to become a domestic diva. Yes, me. The queen of delegation. The woman who could negotiate policy but broke into a sweat at the thought of shopping for tomatoes. Market Phobia and My Deal-Breaker […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[116],"tags":[806,812,547,803,805,800,809,169,551,807,147,808,736,811,810],"class_list":["post-824","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-village-family-relationships","tag-business","tag-car-pool","tag-career","tag-chores","tag-corporate","tag-domestic","tag-duty","tag-family","tag-home","tag-loud","tag-maker","tag-quiet","tag-quit","tag-run","tag-school"],"yoast_head":"\nDomestic Diva: Embracing and Becoming - Feelnubia - Home of Africa's Intelligentsia- Be Africa!<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/feelnubiatest.com\/index.php\/2014\/village-family-relationships\/domestic-diva\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Domestic Diva: Embracing and Becoming - Feelnubia - Home of Africa's Intelligentsia- Be Africa!\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How I Became a Domestic Diva (and Fried My Fear with Akara) A few years ago, I set a personal goal: to become a domestic diva. 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